I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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