worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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