Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
