we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize