I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
