I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
