Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
