We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
