I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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