umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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