ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
