Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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