are you still at the devil's house?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Houston, we have a squirter
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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