I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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