haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
