I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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