Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
