I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize