The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
