why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
