I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
