The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
