Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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