I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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