She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
