You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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