Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
