So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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