She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
