I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
