I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
