she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
