My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
