i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
