I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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