Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
