Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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