He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
