well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We had to coat check the pizza.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just puked most of my soul out..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
