every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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