I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
