meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
