I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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