So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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