Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
