Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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