Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
