So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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