I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
