Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
