my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just invented taco cereal.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize