Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize