no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
