I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
