hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
