took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
