Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
