god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
