I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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