Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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