Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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