I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
