i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
