brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
