and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
