I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
