it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
