I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
