Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
