my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
