i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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