if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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