I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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