homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
