I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
