Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
