Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
