he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
