Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
