Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize