I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
