man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
