Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
