The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
