i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just had sex on a roof
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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