Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
