Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
