is your mom at the bar?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
