There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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