I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
