just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
