speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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