My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
