this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
