oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
